Friday, April 23, 2004

Laugh of the Day

From Kirbee over at the Hive (link here);

Terror Alert System Announced For Stadium

by Harry Kanine

Athens - University (sic) of Georgia officials announced a new terror system for their football stadium today. Recent revelations about strange behavior surrounding football games led to the decision by University (sic) officials.

"People have always acted a little funny when attending football games" said Vince Dooley, recently ousted Athletics Director, whose programs recorded a probation every 4.16 years. "You know, it used to be barkin' and woofin' and screaming at our own players when they we losing. Now its like I don't even know these people." Mr. Dooley couldn't provide further comment because he said he was "like a dog after a bone to figure out how to expense all these damn caterers, lawn care workers, and contractors" called in by his wife.

The move to a Terror Alert System is due in part due to a recent report online by a Georgia booster named "Bulldog". Mr. Bulldog reported "roving bands of frat boys patrol the visitors section just calling people out."

This revelation comes after recent reports of University (sic) frat boys killing and eating a rabid raccoon and fans urinating from above on other spectators entering the stadium.

At the press conference, University (sic) of Georgia President Michael Adams stated that "the system should be simple enough for our fans, athletes, and visiting fans alike. We have a strong tradition at Georgia for elementary level testing and comprehension. Even our freshman students should be able to grasp the color-coded concept even if they don't know how many points a 3 pointer is yet."

"We just want the world to know that we love our Dawgs and we will do just about anything to get that through to people."